Friday, June 23, 2006

An insignificant puzzle

It would be good to see your blog being updated more frequently” – chanted some of my friends.
I have been out of the blog world for virtually a month. It’s been a bit of a crazy time. (Only a bit?? Quite a paradox when I am involved :) ). Well - Lots of imperative decisions. Heaps of out-of-routine behaviour. For instance, I didn’t visit the blog-spaces of my friends during this time. This is the second time I am doing this scandalous offence of moving to a different orb, the first being mentioned in Desert Roses.

And when I return, I appear with quite some trivial judgments. I have been plagued with thoughts about the insignificance of life. It feels so dull when you discern that whatever you perform is so meaningless, when you are uncertain about the moment at which you dispossess all that you have/want and then abscond to some anonymous consign or entity. Yes, I am puzzled (yet again!) with this mystery around Death. There might be different incidents that trigger these tantrums in me, and I am sure that I have experienced it multiple times. I must have gone through scores of personal opinions from people who have lived less/more, innumerable pages of religious and philosophical arrangements of words, scientific and modern logical thoughts and even the ramblings of human gods. They just drove me through various roads. I saw different patterns and colors in the sky. At times, the occasional brightness blinded the eyes for brief spans – and they claimed “See – Everything is clear. This is the sunshine you were looking out for!”. But I could still see the clouds. And when I alighted from the drive, I still felt insignificant.

Don’t get me wrong – I am neither depressed nor philosophical. I still wake up snoozing the alarm three times, I still leave office in the evening thinking about the world cup matches, I still play “Badla – the indoor cricket” with Dhanu and Guru, I still keep laughing at the chalus with Bangalore gang and I still keep breaking the promise of sleeping by 11 when I hit the sack at 1 or 2. See – I told you – I am still the crazy me.

Still, I am fazed by these disconcerting thoughts, at irregular intervals. And, the truth is - I still have those insignificant questions. I will keep looking out for an answer.

10 comments:

silverine said...

Surprisingly I had also written about life and about humans on Earth here!.

I too wonder what it is that we bring to this Earth and life.

Thanks for dropping by :)

neermathalam said...

welcome back Abhi..missed yur writings too very much...
but it is afterall... writer's prerogative

I dont remember.. whether I have shared one of my poem(so called..) with a similar theme...

Why I am here ??


I am tired and I am bored...
I again and again fail to
decipher the real meaning
of why the hell I am here..

When I was a child I felt
that I am a born genius,
I thought I had the
monopoly of creativity.

Then I came to know about
The masters who made their
mark on the walls of history.
Older I grew smaller I became

The more I read,the more
I knew but smaller I grew
When I saw the 'Last Supper',
I had to stop painiting.

And as I don't read poems
I dare to write some..But
When I start reading those
to vent myself what I will do ??

Before I lose all my steam
I need to recharge myself...
Options are running out...
But I don't want to lose..

Is it sun ? or is it moon ?
Or is it is the glare of a smile
Atleast I want to believe so
I believe it was you my lord

Krishnan said...

A feeling of deja vu while reading ur blog.
Lets call our company 'DeathWonderers'.
:-)

Sarah said...

A budhist monk once told me... when I asked him, all sorts of questions..like why am I here.. what is the purpose..blah blah..he looked at me and smiled and said 4 words.. "Breath.you are alive".. When you keep looking for all those answers, you are forgetting the simple fact.. you are breathing and there for you are alive..

Seema said...

Hi Abhi,
Can relate to this..well sometimes everyone goes through such times...n it helps too, such introspections, finding answers within yourself, wanting to be on your own etc...But at the same time living life n experiencing the small lill joys in it is the charm...which is very evident with - "still wake up snoozing the alarm three times, I still leave office in the evening thinking about the world cup matches, I still play “Badla – the indoor cricket” with Dhanu and Guru, I still keep laughing at the chalus with Bangalore gang and I still keep breaking the promise of sleeping by 11 when I hit the sack at 1 or 2. See – I told you – I am still the crazy me"

Thanx for your visit to the clouds n your comments too. Look forward to seeing more of u !!!

Flyaway Mind said...

once in a blue moon, everybody goes thru' such a phase i guess.ur description is quite vivid.. 2weeks back , feeling blue,i too posted something abt uncertainty of life 'n death.. then later felt i've turned mad & deleted :-)

read abt bday accounts 'n bday bumps:-)u guys had rocking time.. enjoy maadi

Chandu said...

This is coincidence. We both went into hiatus in almost the same time!

pophabhi said...

Silver: Your thoughts are of the similar lines. I guess we all are perplexed...:)
Neermathalam:Sorry Man - Had to stick around for more important things. And nice poem...some more inputs to the thoughts!
Kich: We always had these discussions, alleda? I think you are a bit ahead of us since you have read more. But still remembering that day, 4 years back when we sat at Biju's place in South end circle at night 12 and did that 'Holy Spirits passing by...' :) :)
Sarah: Nice one. Very good lines too. Breath...I am alive.
Seema: Spot on. But its not the loneliness that I am falling under - I know its pretty usual. Its more of the answerless questions which are bothering...Anyway I guess that also happens to everyone.
Thanks for visiting!!
Rosh: You should not have deleted it. :) - Coz u deleted, I agree on the mad part ;-) - and ya B'day time was wonderful, altho Dhanu mite not agree!
Chandu: So you were that person who was standing nearby!! Cheers! :)

Anonymous said...

Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.
»

custom writing essays said...

A lot of useful information, but have difficulty copying itself to the resources for the study